The Birdflash Coalescence
by HoneyBee HoneySuckle
Summary: The Bat-Siblings and Babs' mission, should they choose to accept it, is to bring together a bird and a speedster. Multi-chapter, follow-up to 'Impulsivity'.
1. The Plan

**A/N: Not sure if I got the order for the Bat-siblings ages right, but I tried my best! So, here we go!**

"This meeting of the younger Bats –an' Babs- will now come to order!" Tim yelled, slamming down the rubber gavel which made an audible squeak.

Jason glared at his younger brother. "Timmy, nobody was talking. You didn't _have _to call anything to order."

The younger Robin-to-be glared back and pointed the gavel at Jason. "Shut up! I'm in charge of this meeting, so what I say goes!"

"What? Who put _you _in charge of anything? You're, like, eight years old! If anybody should be in charge, it should be somebody who can actually _spell _leadership!"

"I can _too _spell leadership!"

"Oh, really? Prove it."

Tim recoiled a bit, and then straightened. "Um... L-E-I-D-"

"Wrong. Gimme the gavel, nubnuts."

"Wha- NO! It's MINE!"  
The twelve-year-old dashed over to Tim's seat and attempted to pilfer the rubber hammer out of his brother's hands. Unfortunately for him, the younger had a much stronger grip than he had anticipated.

"GIMME THE HAMMER!"

"NO! I SAVED MY ALLOWANCE FOR THREE WHOLE WEEKS TO BUY IT ALL BY MYSELF!"

Their fight was interrupted by a high-pitched whistle. "Okay, boys, separate corners!" Barbara yelled, taking the gavel away from the feuding children. Both boys groaned. "But, Babs-"

"No buts. Separate corners, _now_."

Muttering about how mean the red-head was, both Robins-to-be obliged her.

"Well, it's your own fault. If you two could be civilized like Cassie and Damian, we'd all be happy!"

Cassie, meanwhile, had simply been watching this whole ordeal, the ten-year-old content to quietly hug her Bat plushie and let her adoptive brothers fight over a silly rubber hammer. She didn't quite understand boys, and wondered if this was something important for her to understand.

Damian, on the other hand, was only a year old and thus found the soft, star-shaped cereal pieces **(1) **to be the most interesting thing in the entire world. At least until something more interesting came along.

"They're not civil; they just don't know how to speak in complete sentences." Jason deadpanned from the southeast corner of the game-room-turned-meeting-place.

Babs sighed, wondering how she got roped into this. Then she remembered that, one, it was for the good of her closest male friend, and two, Cassie had the most adorable puppy-dog pleading eyes ever. "Alright, so if there are no more interruptions, let's get down to business."

"To defeat the Huns?" Tim asked innocently.

"Maybe later, sweetie. No, right now we need to focus on the matter at hand. Can anyone tell me what that is?"

Tim, ever the enthusiast, had his hand in the air immediately. "Ooh, ooh! Is it 'cause big brother an' that really fast guy with the red hair like each other an' we want 'em to go on a date?"

"That's exactly right, Tim. Now, this is what I know from what Dick's told me…"

_Three days earlier, Gotham Academy Courtyard…_

"_BARBARA GORDON QUIT LAUGHING THIS IS SERIOUS!"_

_The red-head gasped for breath, sides aching from laughing so much. "S-Sorry, Dick, it's just… oh my God, I wish I coulda seen the look on your face, hah-hah-ha!"_

_The young bird was once again the color of a cherry-tomato, which only served to make him even cuter than normal. "Glad to see that my utter humiliation is so entertaining to you." Dick sighed, holding his raven-haired head in his hands. "What am I gonna do, Babs?"_

_Barbara took a deep breath, finally calming down from her hysteric laughing. "Well, that should be obvious enough. You're gonna have to let him down easy. I mean, seeing as you only see him as a friend, it'd be wrong to-"_

"_I like him, Babs."_

_The red-head froze, giving a wide-eyed stare to the ex-acrobat. "You what now?"_

_Dick refused to meet her eyes. "I like Wally, okay?"_

"_You mean… you _**like**_ him, like him?"_

_The Boy Wonder snorted. "What are you, ten? Yes I _**like **_him, like him!"_

_Babs blinked, shocked at this sudden confession. "Uh, okay. Wow, didn't see that one coming. So… not to be insensitive or anything, but does this mean that you're, you know, _gay_?"_

_Dick's head snapped up, the deep blush looking even redder, if that was even possible._

"_N-NO! What the hell Babs, where did _that _come from?"_

_The girl raised an eyebrow in a disbelieving manner. "Dick, you just admitted to having feelings for another guy. How does that _not_ make you gay?"_

_The bird looked down; wishing the ground would open up into a pool and swallow him up like in that one movie Bruce always cries at but says he has something in his eye. "I-I… I'm not…"_

"_Dick…" Barbara said softly, taking the young superhero's hand, "Sweetie, you know it's okay to admit it, right?"_

_Present Day, Wayne Manor…_

"… And then he just muttered something about needing to go to class, which is a total lie because Mr. Connors couldn't care less if we show up or not, and left. Any questions?"

Once again, Tim raised his hand. "What does 'gay' mean, Babs?"

"It means that you're attracted to people of your gender, Tim."

"Oh… are Dick an' Wally gay, then?"

"They're gay for each other, at least." Jason retorted. "Look, this is fine and dandy and all, but we're kinda forgetting why we're all here today: To get Dick and Wally together so that Dick will stop moping around like Dad does… pretty much in any situation."

Cassie nodded, signing to Babs **(2) **that it was important to make a plan to help them admit their feelings for each other.

"That's right, Cassie, we do need a plan. And I've got one!" Barbara said, grinning devilishly. She motioned for all of the children to crowd around her, which they did, minus Damian, whom Jason had to get out of the high chair first.

"Okay, so here's what we're gonna do…"

_The Next Day, Mount Justice…_

"RED ROBIN! DON'T TOUCH THAT!"

_Crash! _"Oops. Sorry, Di- I mean Robin!"

Dick sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Just his luck that Gotham Academy would have a suspicious science lab explosion, Alfred would be sick and Babs would be at a soccer game on the same day Bruce went up to the space thingy. Now he was stuck with three school-aged kids, all of whom were trained by the goddamn Batman, and one very unhappy baby bat.

At least everyone else wasn't here. He knew that Artemis was out running errands for her mother; Wally, M'gann and Connor were still at school, and he actually wasn't quite sure where Kaldur was, but he assumed it had something to do with water.

"It could be worse, I guess!"

_Recognized: 08 Artemis_

"… Crap. Okay, kids, quick, hide in the closet!" The eldest of the siblings ordered, somehow managing to shepherd all three mobile children into the coat-hanger laden closet and place the baby into Jason's arms.

"Hey, what are you-?"

"Just- Just stay put, okay? I'll be back soon."

"But-"

"Er, Robin? What're you doing?"

The Boy Wonder spun around, slamming the door shut behind him. "N-Nothing! Nothing at all!"

The archer's left eyebrow rose, her expression saying 'I don't believe you, but I don't really care, either'. "Whatever, crazy. Have you seen Kaldur anywhere? He asked me to meet him today."

Dick tilted his head, and then grinned mischievously. "Oh really? Just you and him, alone together?"

"Yeah, pretty sure. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason. _Artemis and Kaldur, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-"_

The green-clad girl flushed, rushing over to the younger boy and putting him in a head lock. "YOU SHUT IT RIGHT NOW!"

_Meanwhile, in the closet…_

"You know, I'm pretty sure Babs's plan didn't involve getting _shoved in a friggin' closet_!"

"Oh, shut up, Jason. Hey, what's that- Oh, GROSS! DAMIAN!"

As the scent of a freshly soiled diaper filled the small space, Cassie made a choked noise that was the closest to speaking she'd ever come, Damian started to cry softly, Tim gagged noisily, and Jason turned towards the door, shoving the stinking toddler into Tim's arms. "Ugh! There's no way in _hell _that I'm gonna stay in a closet that smells like Damian's corn-flavored sh-"

Right as he was about to curse once again, the door swung open, revealing a blond girl who appeared to be assaulting their elder brother.

As she was doing this in front of the Bat-siblings, this obviously meant that she was doomed.

First, Jason pushed her off of his brother, and then quickly twisted her arms behind her back, disabling her from fighting back. Next, Cassie delivered a reverse punch to Artemis's stomach, effectively winding her. Finally, whilst she was still gasping for breath, Tim ran up to her and-

"STOP!"

The young Bats froze, turning to their eldest sibling.

"What the hell are you doing? I told you to stay in the closet, not attack Artemis for no apparent reason!"

"But… she was attacking you!"

"In jest! We were just joking around and- Where's Damian?"

"Oh!" Tim quickly ran back into the closet, returning with the smallest bat. "He pooped, by the way," the eight-year-old explained, placing him into Dick's arms.

"… Fantastic." The eldest Robin sighed, and then pointed toward the living room area of the hideout. "Just… go watch Transformers or something."

"Can we watch the one with all the explosions?"

"_No_."

With that, the trio shuffled away, off to watch a cartoon about giant robots. Dick sighed, and then quickly walked back over to Artemis, Damian still in his arms.

"You okay, Art?"

The half-Asian blonde glared at him. "I just got attacked by a bunch of elementary schoolers. Just peachy, thanks."

"Don't beat yourself up about it. Jason's in middle school."

The archer just groaned in response.

_Meanwhile, in the living room area…_

When he was sure that Dick and the weird hunter girl were both out of sight, Jason discreetly pulled his Smartphone from his red hoodie's front pocket and sent out a text.

Jason_**: We had a bit of a rough start, but we're in Mount Justice. I don't think Kid Dumbass is here, though. **_

Moments later, a new message popped up.

Barbara: _**Language, Jason. And good work getting in! Once Wally arrives, set Phase One in motion. **_

Jason: _**Roger that.**_

**A/N: AND ZE PLAN BEGINS!**

**Also, this has nothing to do with anything, but THE AVENGERS. GO SEE IT.**

**My little sister had these often when she was really little. They were delicious.**

**I can't write out Cassie without a way for her to communicate with others. I've read that many mute people use sign language, and so for the purposes of this story, Cassie knows sign language. As do Dick and Babs. **


	2. Phase 1: Confrontation part 1

**A/N: Hiya! I'm back with more crazy Bat! Siblings antics and shenanigans! Also, I forgot to mention this earlier, but for the purposes of this story, Wally doesn't know Dick's real name or back-story.**

**TheBurntMarshmellowofDoooom:**** The movie is called **_**It's a Wonderful Life**_**, or something like that. My parents and grandparents all love it. I don't really get it personally, but whatever.**

**On with the show!**

_The Same Day at 4 PM, Mount Justice_

To say that Dick Grayson was tired would be similar to saying that Batman was smart: a monumental understatement that would make the speaker appear to be an idiot, as it should. The boy wonder had never once taken Alfred and all he did for them for granted, but until today, he'd never had an inkling of what it was really like to _be _Alfred.

_Note to self: Tell Bruce to give Alfred a raise. A _big _raise. In fact, tell Bruce to buy Alfred his own goddamn private island. _

With a hefty sigh, Dick fell onto a bench in the Waterfall room, spreading his spandex-clad self over the cold stone. Though it was the middle of the afternoon, the ex-acrobat felt as though he could sleep for a century or seven.

_A quick nap won't kill me…_

_Meanwhile, at the Zeta Beam_

_Recognized: 04, Kid Flash_

The speedster yawned, slightly tired from the long school day. He wouldn't say that he disliked school, per se; there were just so many things that would be a much more productive use of his time, in Wally's opinion.

One of these things was training at Mount Justice, which is exactly what Wally planned on doing this fine day.

What he didn't plan on was seeing a small group of kids sitting on the couch in the lounge room, watching one of the countless Transformers cartoons.

One of these kids, the only girl in the group, looked over at him, then shook the shoulder of the oldest of the group, a boy in a red hoodie and sunglasses, and pointed back at him, which caught the attention of the other two kids, a younger boy in a Green Lantern shirt and a baby in a Batman onesie.

"Hi there! Are you Kid Flash?" The younger boy asked cheerfully, getting up and running over to him.

"Uh… Who are you children and how did you get in here?" Wally asked, going into a slightly defensive position.

The other two kids walked over, the eldest holding the baby in his arms and the girl hiding shyly behind him. "Relax, Weasley, we've got permission to be in here. I'm sure you know our brother, Robin."

The speedster blinked, not sure he heard that right. "… Brother?"

"Yeah, brother, as in, a male sibling."

"… Batman sent you to kill me, didn't he?"

This time, the younger boy spoke up. "Uh-uh! Daddy doesn't even know that we're here! Di- I mean, Robin had to take us with him 'cause Daddy's in space an' Alfred is sick! I'm Red Robin, by the way!"

The boy in the sunglasses nodded, shifting the baby in his arms and placing a hand over the one the girl had gripping the leg of his jeans. "Red Hood. This one is Batgirl."

The girl waved shyly before ducking back behind Red Hood. In the split-second between those actions, Wally swore he saw her cradling a small doll that looked suspiciously like the Dark Knight himself close to her person.

The baby, meanwhile, whined a bit, pulling on a lock of Red Hood's dark hair. "OW! Damian, quit that!"

"…Damian?"

"Yeah, Damian's too little to have a code name. So we just call him by his name. I wanted to call him Batbaby, but Daddy said no." Suddenly, Red Robin rushed forward, grabbing Wally's arm and pulling. "C'mon! I'm sure that Di- I mean Robin will be glad to see you!"

Wally flushed a bit. The truth was that he and Robin hadn't spoken since the… incident over a week earlier. The awkwardness in the room whenever the two were together was too much for either to bear, and thus neither could find the courage to say what they wanted to tell each other.

"Er… I don't think that's such a great idea…"

"Awww, why not?"

_Okay, screw how cute they are, I am _not _revealing my inner turmoil with the issue of my sexual preference to an eight-year-old! _"B-Because I said so!"

"That's not a good reason! That's what Daddy says when he tells me I can't go out on patrol with him an' Robin!"

Wally groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, I have my reasons, okay? So please just- Huh?"

Someone was tugging on his shirt sleeve, Wally noticed as he looked over. Batgirl, who had remained quiet throughout this entire ordeal, was staring at him earnestly out of chocolate-brown eyes. The dark-haired girl said nothing, but her eyes seemed to be asking- no, pleading with him in a way that, should she have done it verbally, would have made even Batman crumble like a fresh-baked cookie. And like fresh-baked cookies, especially those that Robin would occasionally bring from home, Wally wasn't able to resist for long.

"… Fine. You win."

The younger dark-haired boy cheered at this, while the eldest boy and the girl smiled and Damian blew bubbles out of his own spit, which the speedster found to be both gross and adorable at the same time.

_I hate my life…_

**A/N: And that's a wrap on the first part of Phase 1! Sorry it's short, but I'm pretty much beat. If you want, click the review button and tell me what you think!**


	3. Phase 1: Confrontation part 2

**A/N: Well, I've got nothing to do, since I've no exams to study for. Being a smarty-pants who aces all her standardized tests and wins the right to exempt three out of four core classes certainly has its advantages in the long run. **

**Oh, and before I forget, I want to thank all of you guys for leaving such kind words in your reviews. Writing is my passion, and for you to praise my fan works makes me believe that I'll someday be able to achieve my goal of writing my own novels. **

**So, without further ado, enjoy the show!**

Wally liked to think he knew quite a bit about his best friend/ not-so-secret crush. He knew that Robin loved to make new words out of existing ones, his favorite Disney movie was _Lilo and Stitch, _he hated the smell of garlic but loved garlic bread, and he knew that the kid was some sort of certified genius in mathematics.

Of course, there were plenty of things that Wally _didn't _know about Robin. Such as the fact that he had three siblings, one of whom _never _stopped talking, another who only spoke in insults, one who never spoke at all, and one who only spoke the mysterious gurgling language of infancy.

Another thing that the speedster was not clued into was that unless you knew exactly where to look, the bird was freaking _impossible _to find.

"Is your brother a hide-and-seek champion or something?"

"Nope! That's Ca- I mean Batgirl! One time we started playing right after breakfast, an' we didn't find her 'til it was almost time for dinner! Batgirl's real good at being quiet an' hiding in the shadows. She's like a ninja!"

The dark-haired girl flushed and held her plushie Batman closer to her chest, if that was even possible. Wally had decided that the Dark Knight doll was like a security blanket to the silent child. A security blanket with a death glare that probably could actually kill someone, but a security blanket nonetheless.

By the time that the ragtag group had reached the Waterfall Room, Wally was about ready to throw in the towel. They had searched all over the base, looked in every nook and cranny, Red Robin had even suggested that they look in the air ducts, but despite it all they still hadn't seen hide nor hair of the eldest ward of Batman.

"If he's not in here, I'm calling Batman. I'll tell him that Robin ran off to Siberia and left me in charge of you-"

Suddenly, the three eldest kids made a shushing noise; well, Red Hood and Red Robin did, Batgirl just put a finger to her lips and pointed over at one of the many stone benches in this particular area.

"What?"

"Shush! Di- I mean Robin is asleep, dummy!"

Sure enough, the missing boy wonder was right where the eight-year-old said he was, sprawled out on the concrete bench in a dead sleep.

Wordlessly, the second-eldest Bat-protégé handed the tiniest of the group over to Wally and walked over to where his brother lay unconscious with the other mobile kids. The moment that the baby was in the redhead's arms, Damian gave him a glare that Wally previously believed took years to master.

_It's like staring into the eyes of a tiny, mask-less Batman, _Wally thought with a shudder.

"On three, guys. One… two… three!" On the specified number, the trio lifted their brother from the bench and began walking towards the door, Robin somehow remaining in his sleeping state.

"… So many questions. So very many questions that I want to ask." Wally mumbled, carrying the mini-Bat along with him.

_Near the Kitchen, a few minutes later_

Conner was not one to question things, no matter how odd they looked to him. So, when a trio of dark-haired children came carrying an unconscious Robin from the Waterfall room to dump him onto the couch, with Kid Flash following closely behind and carrying a baby in a Batman onesie who seemed to be glaring at him with the intensity of Batman, he simply watched and ate his sandwich, figuring that questioning it would only lead to more questions on his behalf.

M'gann, however, was the curious type, and this scene unfortunately piqued her interest.

"Uh… Wally? Care to explain why there are a bunch of small children in Mount Justice?"

Red Hood glared at her. "Watch who you're calling a child, Greenie."

His younger brother quickly elbowed him in the arm. "Be nice, Ja- I mean, Red Hood!"

"Oh, shut it, half pint." The elder retorted, rubbing the point of impact gingerly.

Wally sighed, handing Damian back to the eldest of the conscious Bat-siblings. "Conner, M'gann, these are- apparently- Robin's younger siblings."

The couple stared in bewilderment. "Holy crap there's _more _of them?"

"Yeah, I'm shocked too. Anyway, the rude one is called Red Hood, the one in the Green Lantern shirt is Red Robin, the baby is just Damian right now, and the girl is- Where's Batgirl?"

Sure enough, the silent child had disappeared without a sound right under their noses.

"What did I tell ya? She's a freaking ninja, man!"

_I lost one of Robin's siblings._

_No, worse than that, I lost Batman's _daughter.

_Shit. I am so dead. Again._

**A/N: **_**We are here today to mourn the loss of Wally West, who died at the hand of Batman when he let his only daughter slip away from his gaze.**_

**Okay, that won't really happen; they'll find Cassie.**

**Eventually.**


	4. Phase 1: Confrontation Part 3

**A/N: Hello, I'm back ^u^! Did you miss me? **

**I am on a superhero high at the moment, so I'll be rotating updating this, my Glee/Avengers/Marvel-in-general crossover fic 'The White Knight', and at some point my Star Trek 2009 fic 'How Did THAT Happen?' because I already put those readers through enough waiting. *is obviously advertising other stories as well as this one***

**Well, enough of this! Here we go!**

_Mount Justice, 9:38 P.M the same day_

"Batgirl! This really isn't funny, _please_ come out!"

For the past three hours or so, the entirety of Young Justice, save Robin who was still out cold (apparently he could sleep through a bunch of kids and teens panicking), and the other two Bat-Siblings had been searching everywhere for the only daughter of Batman, including air ducts because she actually _could_ fit into the tiny crawlspace. Wally, as one could imagine, was completely and totally terrified and frantically searching for the dark-haired child, as he had a pretty good idea of what Robin would do to him if he woke up and his sister was still missing.

He didn't even want to _think_ about the wrath of Daddy-Bats. Even merely _attempting_ to visualize what the Dark Knight would do to him if he found that the speedster had lost his little girl made Wally want to sob like a three-year-old who fell off the swings.

"Cassie! If you're trying to win at hide-and-seek, you already did that!"

Wally turned towards the eight-year-old. "Who's Cassie?"

Red Hood and Red Robin recoiled, and then the former smacked the latter upside the head. "Nice going, Tim!"

"Ow! That _hurts, _Jason!"

Wally gave them an extremely perplexed look. "Wait a minute… are those your-"

"Real names? Yes, yes they are. And now I'm obligated to tell you that if you ever let the secret slip to anyone you won't live to see the next morning. Understand, ginger?"

Wally swallowed nervously, deciding that objecting to the nickname wasn't the best idea at the moment. "C-Crystal, sir." It felt very weird to call a twelve-year-old sir, but somehow it seemed that the situation warranted it.

"Good, now let's get back to looking for-"

"What are you doing?" A slightly sleepy voice asked from behind them, causing them all to cringe as they turned towards it. Robin looked back at them, his hair slightly disheveled and his lips in a straight, emotionless line. Gripping his hand tightly with her right hand and clutching her Batman plushie with her left was a tiny dark-haired girl, whose expression was that of slight guilt yet also slight amusement.

"CASSIE!" Tim yelled, running over to hug his sister. "We thought you got abducted by aliens or something!"

"In what conversation was that ever even acknowledged as a possibility?" Jason asked, following his younger brother over to where their sister stood looking remorseful.

"It could happen!"

Meanwhile, Wally and Robin were left staring at each other, the awkward tension between them so thick that you'd need a sharpened sword to cut through it. The sword would also have to be made of diamonds to even make a small incision in the awkwardness. "Sooo… you've got siblings, huh?"

The Boy Wonder sighed, pinching the bridge of his noise in frustrated defeat. "Yeah, three annoying and deadly kids and a baby whose likely to follow suit. Speaking of Damian, where is the little poop machine?"

Wally couldn't help but chuckle at 'poop machine'. "He went with M'gann and Artemis in their search party. He looked pretty damn pleased with the situation, to be honest."

"Like father, like son, I guess." Robin said quietly, Wally barely catching the phrase.

"Huh?"

"Oh, nothing. Listen, it's getting pretty late, and if I don't get Damian home soon he's going to start glaring daggers at people and being generally unpleasant towards everyone in the vicinity. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yep! Well, try not to kill each other or anyone else, alright, kids?"

"We make no promises." Jason replied seriously, the other two kids nodding in earnest agreement. With that, Cassie and Tim each took one of Robin's hands and started walking away, Jason following closely behind them.

As he watched the siblings' retreating forms, Wally realized that that conversation was the first normal one he'd had with his best friend since the… incident, and it hadn't been as painful as he'd expected.

_Maybe we _can _move past that little issue after all, _Wally thought, smiling to himself as he started walking away.

_Meanwhile…_

Jason: _**Phase one is complete, they've had a somewhat normal conversation. Phase two will begin tomorrow.**_

Babs: _**Excellent work, Red Hood. I'll make sure Alfred knows to keep up the guise of being too ill to take care of you all. **_

Jason: _**Ten-four, Cap'n.**_

**A/N: Of course Alfred's in on it, what else did you expect?**

**Remember to Review~! And check out my other stuff, while you're at it!**


	5. Phase 2: Approval

**A/N: One new chapter, comin' right up!**

_Mount Justice, 4:02 PM the next day..._

When Wally had bid adieu to Robin's young siblings the previous night, he'd expected that would be the last he'd see of those insane mini-crusaders for quite awhile.

So, when he saw the ragtag group once again sitting on the team's sofa watching My Little Pony (Wally assumed that Cassie had gotten to pick the show this time), he was pretty surprised.

"Hi, Wally!" Tim called cheerfully, waving from his seat on the couch. Cassie waved shyly while Jason simply gave him a non-committal head nod accompanied by "'Sup,", and Damian once again glared at him in a very non-infant-like manner from the safety of Robin's arms.

"... Uh, Robin? Not that I don't think that your siblings are great or anything, but why are they here again?"

The Boy Wonder sighed, handing the youngest bat over to the second eldest and walking towards his... whatever they were right now. "Alfred's still sick, Batman's still on the space station, and I don't even _know _what Babs is doing, but apparently it's too important for her to miss it and watch these little nutjobs."

"We can_ hear _you, you know!" Jason yelled from the couch as best he could with Damian attempting to find how far he could push his tiny palm into the elder's cheek.

"I'm well aware of that, thank you." Once again, Robin sighed, then rubbed his head sheepishly. "Um... listen, can we... can we talk?"

Wally was somewhat confused. "Uh, sure, dude. What's up?"

The younger's cheeks reddened a bit. "Er... I-I meant in private."

Suddenly realizing what he meant, the redhead's face also darkened. "O-Oh. W-Well, I guess that-"

At that very moment, Robin's cell phone chose to ring, causing the speedster to trail off abruptly.

"U-Uh... I'll get that later-"

"N-No, go ahead, it's fine."

Babs: **OMG DICK! WE NEED YOU, LIKE, NOW!**

Dick: **Little busy here, Barbara.**

"Okay, so what were you-"

Once again, the phone chimed.

"Son of a _bitch_, Babs!" The boy wonder muttered harshly under his breath.

Babs:** Fine, then. I'll just tell the police that the school-bag with the words, "Property of Jason Todd. Handle at own risk" found in the labs that got blown up belongs to some other boy named Jason Todd.**

Babs: **Or better yet, I'll let them call Bruce**.

Robin groaned in frustration. "Dammit, Jason!"

"What did _I _do?"

Dick: **ARGH FINE I'M COMING!**

"Wally, we'll have to postpone this for later. Can you watch these little monsters while I make sure Jason doesn't get sent to Juvie again?"

"That dickweed had it coming and you know it!"

"I agree, but the excuse 'He stole my little sister's favorite doll' didn't sit well with the police. Or Dad."

The younger boy simply huffed in response.

Wally chuckled awkwardly. "I don't see why not. Go make sure your brother doesn't get arrested or anything."

"Oh, believe me, Jason getting arrested isn't the part I'm worried about. It's more how Batman will respond to him getting in even more legal trouble."

With a sigh, the Boy Wonder quickly moved into the Zeta Beam and left the hideout and his siblings in the care of the unsuspecting potential boyfriend of their beloved eldest brother.

Wally turned to the kids, rubbing his hands together in preparation. "Sooo... what do you guys wanna do?"

Tim's hand shot up faster than a speeding bullet. "Ooh! Ooh! Let's play dogpile on Wally!"

"I'm down for that," Jason agreed, smirking maliciously and placing Damian safely onto the couch.

"Wait, what? Hey, don't-! HELP ME ARGHFUMPHAGH!"

Within seconds, the speedster was tackled to the ground by tiny assassins, all of whom were laughing in malicious glee.

"What did I do to deserve this..." The redhead moaned sadly.

_Ten minutes later..._

After a somewhat difficult fight, Wally finally managed to get all the children off of him, and got them settled down watching _Tangled, _a film that Cassie, Tim, and surprisingly Jason, could all agree on.

They all also requested popcorn, so Wally made himself busy with this task, albeit reluctantly as he also wanted to see the movie. Wally was so engrossed in this that he didn't notice Jason walk into the kitchen whilst he was glaring at the microwave, willing it to pop corn faster.

"So, you and my brother, eh?"

The speedster nearly flew head first into the microwave. "Wh-What? What are you talking about? There's nothing going on between-"

"Oh, bullshit. I've heard the way he talks about you, seen the way he looks at you. And don't think I haven't noticed how you talk about him or look at him, either. You two are more obvious than Dad and Catwoman, you know that?"

The redhead simply flushed in response. "W-Well, what of it then? You gonna tell me to stay away from your brother?"

"Psh. If I did that, Robin would introduce me to my spleen. Believe me, I'm not gonna be the one to tell ya to back off." The younger boy then moved into the elder's face. "Just know that if you ever hurt him, then I will look for you. I will find you. And believe me, _**I will end you.**_ Got it memorized, Kid Stupid?"

The speedster swallowed audibly. "C-Crystal, sir," Wally managed, once again feeling odd about calling a boy much younger than him sir.

"Good. Now hurry up and get the popcorn before it catches on fire."

"Wait, what? AW, CRAP!"

_Meanwhile, at Gotham Academy..._

"Okay, Babs, I'm here, where are the police?"

"Oh, sorry, I forgot to tell you! It turns out that I read the name wrong, it was actually Jaden Odd's bag!"

"... Son of a _**bitch**_, Barbara!"

_Mount Justice, 6:30 PM..._

After verbally chewing out his best female friend for making him come all the way back to Gotham for no good reason, Dick finally got back to Mount Justice, only to find his potential boyfriend and siblings all asleep on the couch with the DVD menu for _Tangled _playing onscreen.

If puppies and kittens had babies, and then one of those babies had a baby with a baby panda, the cuteness level still would not be equal to this in Dick's honest opinion.

Reluctantly, the Boy Wonder gently woke Wally with a shake of the shoulder.

"Jason, give Damian his pacifier back..." The redhead mumbled tiredly.

"Wally, wake up, I'm back."

Slowly, the aforementioned speedster opened his eyes. "Ah, hey, dude. Is Jason under arrest?"

The younger grimaced. "No, that was just a mistake on Babs' part. I'll take the kids home now, if that's alright."

Wally yawned. "Fine by me. Oh, hey," Quickly, the redhead pulled something from underneath him. "Here, Cassie gave me this. I think she'll want it back."

Robin's eyes widened in shock. "U-Uh... you keep it for now, I'll get it back later on."

Without another word, the Boy Wonder grabbed the rest of the half-awake kids and bolted from the room, leaving a very confused Wally in the dark.

_She gave Wally her Batman doll... what the hell, Cassie, what does that _mean?

Jason: **Phase two complete, Wally knows that we approve of his relationship with Dick. **

Babs: **Good job. The school's going to reopen tomorrow, so we'll have to progress on the weekend.**

Jason: **Got it.**

**A/N: I think that the trope 'Badass and Child' kind of fit Jason and Cassie, what do you guys think?**

**Remember to review~!**


	6. Phase 3: Test of Faithfulness

**A/N: So for a while I've been kind of stuck on where to go with this story, I mean I'd kind of run out ideas. **

**Then I saw three certain films. **

**One at 6, one at 9, and one at its midnight premiere last night. **

**A certain trilogy, if you will.**

**A trilogy about the Dark Knight.**

_**And now I have ideas. **_

_Saturday, 12:01 PM, Wayne Manor_

"Okay, guys, what have we learned so far?"

As usual, Tim immediately raised his hand. "Ooh! That Wally an' Dick can't spit out what they really feel?"

"Idiot, that's been obvious since before we even started!"

"Shut up, Jason!"

"Do I need to put you two in separate corners again? Because I will do it."

Both boys mumbled "No ma'am" and ceased speaking.

"Good. Now, does anybody have a suggestion for the next step?"

"Yeah, I do. I don't completely trust Wally. I want to know that he can resist temptation, that he'll never be unfaithful."

Babs raised an eyebrow at the second-eldest Bat. "And how do you propose we go about that?"

Jason smirked. "Simple. We introduce him to the only villain who has ever left dear old Dad a blushing mess."

The red-head's eyes widened in shock. "You don't mean...?"

"I do. We bring him to _her."_

_Later, Somewhere in the underbelly of Gotham..._

_Oh, god, my head..._

The speedster sat up, groaning. "Geez, what the hell even happened? Wait... Where am I?"

Wally looked around, head still throbbing in pain. He seemed to be sitting in the middle of an extremely filthy alley, the smells emanating from either side not pleasant in any sense of the word.

With a bit of difficulty (and another eruption of pain in his mid-back to add to the pain in his head), the speedster stood. "Hello? Is anybody here?"

The only answer was the sound of cars honking in the distance.

"Great. I'm lost in an alley in god-knows where, and I have no idea how to get back home." The redhead paused. "And now I'm talking to myself. Perfect."

Suddenly, a sultry giggle echoed around the passage. "My, you are just the most precious thing, aren't you my dear ginger?"

Wally spun around, muscles unconsciously preparing to defend against an attacker. "Who said that?"

Out of the shadows, a woman in an ebony catsuit appeared, red lips curved in a seductive yet utterly amused smirk and silk-like chocolate hair draped around her shoulders. "Now, now, no need to get defensive."

The speedster recoiled in surprise. "C-Ca... _Catwoman_?"

The master thief rolled her eyes. "No, I'm Harley Quinn."

Immediately Wally moved back into a defensive position. "L-Look, I don't want to have to fight you-"

Again, Catwoman let out a sultry laugh. "Fight? Oh, no, dear boy, that's not at all what's going on here..." Slowly, the brunette started to move towards the young hero.

"Erm... what are you doi-?"

"Oh, come on, ginger, you're a smart boy, aren't you? I'm sure you can guess."

Indeed he could. And a few months ago, he'd have let it happen, gladly.

But now the only thing he could think about was Robin, and how heartbroken he'd be if Wally let her go on. Gently, the speedster pushed her away.

"Look, Ms., um... Catwoman, I'm really flattered and all, but I'm sort of seeing someone right now. Kind of. Well, maybe not. I don't know. The point is, I really don't want to risk losing hi- er, them over this. Sorry?"

She stared at him for a moment, then began to laugh. Not the sultry sort from before, but a wholesome, real sort of laughter that caused her to throw her head back and hold her stomach while she leaned on a nearby wall.

"I was being serious!" The redhead yelled indignantly.

"I-I know! That's wh-what's so funny, you idiot! Oh my god, you seriously thought I was actually coming onto you! Hahahahaha!"

Wally was utterly bewildered. "Wait, what?"

The thief wiped a mirthful tear from her eye. "You don't actually think I'd try anything, do you? You're a minor, for the love of God! I may be a lot of things, but a pedophile is not one of them!"

"I-I'm not a kid! I'll be eighteen in six months!"

"That's six more months you can murder someone without being tried as an adult if ya got a good lawyer. Enjoy that."

Wally crossed his arms and glared at the thief. "So if you're not trying to hit on me, then what the actual hell, lady?"

Once again, Catwoman smirked in amusement. "Oh, I was just doing a favor for an absolutely adorable group of children. I'm sure you know them, infant to twelve, dark-haired, most of them know twenty different ways to kill a man twice their size?"

The redhead stared at her for a brief moment, then slapped a hand to his forehead. "Oh my god, why?"

Again, the thief laughed. "They're just looking out for their big brother, Wally."

From between his fingers, the speedster stared at her. "Wait, how the frig do you know my name?"

"You don't think I'd take a job without learning the details, do you? I'll admit, though, I had you pegged wrong. I was sure a kid like you would go for it, no questions asked. You really do love Robin, don't you ginger?"

Immediately, Wally flushed redder than his hair. "WH-WHAT? WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT LOVE?"

Catwoman simply raised one eyebrow. "You do realize that it's obvious, right? I mean, seriously, you're more stupidly obvious than dear old Batty is whenever we cross paths. And that's saying something. But you're in luck. From what the kids told me, the little bird's just as crazy about you."

The speedster's still red face brightened. "Really? You think so?"

"Well, I don't know, I've not seen him in quite a while. Which is a pity, I do so playing with my favorite feathered friend."

Wally blinked. "Friend? Er... aren't you-?"

"Just because Bats and I have a... complicated relationship doesn't mean I don't find Robin's company enjoyable. I've known that little bird since he first started running around with the Caped Crusader as a nine-year-old in scaly green underoos. Thank god I got him to ditch those, at some point it stopped being adorable and just became somewhat disturbing."

For a moment, there was only silence.

"Well, my job is done here. Good luck with sweet little Robin, ginger."

Wally rubbed the back of his head nervously. "Uh... thanks. You know, you're a lot less intimidating than I thoug- GAH!"

In a split-second, the master jewel pilferer had slammed the speedster up against the wall and had him by the collar of his shirt. "Oh, and just so you know, if you ever do anything to hurt Robin, you won't have the Dark Knight and his little troupe of highly trained orphans to worry about," Here, Catwoman dropped him with a thud. "You'll have been long gone before they found out." With that, the thief was gone, leaving a very confused redhead.

"Uh... thanks for the tip, I guess." For a second, he was silent. "Can you tell me how to get out of here?"

**A/N: So, yeah. Headcanon is that Catwoman is sort of a Surrogate Mommy to the Bat-Siblings. I mean, she is the only constant adult female presence in their lives, and, well, there's a reason that the trope is named 'Dating Catwoman' (yes, I ship Batman/ Catwoman. I regret nothing). So whenever the little Bats go crusading without Bats, she makes sure no one too dangerous is out running amok. Because they are her little crime-fighting babies. **

**And briefly addressing the Dark Knight Rises Massacre: My heart goes out to all those affected by that madman. There is something seriously wrong with that man.**

**Maybe some men do want to watch the world burn. But that doesn't mean it's right.**


	7. Mission Failed Or Maybe Not

**A/N: Ugh, hate this chapter... I always hate writing serious fics, I mean the last time I wrote a serious chapter I got more negative reviews for it than the rest of the fic combined (and I only wrote the serious chapter on the recommendation I'd received from the only negative review I'd had previously). But it has to be done, I can't think of anything funny to do with Batman without ripping off _Shortpacked! _which I would feel terrible about because it's one of my favorite webcomics out there. Seriously, where else are you going to find a Jewish Straight Gay with a toy obsession, a bespectacled new-mommy nerd, a smug little Asian pervert, a hyperactive secret agent who became a senator on a Cadbury Creme egg cereal sugar-high, a snarky talking car, a clueless-about-sex wannabe world conquerer, re-animated Ronald Reagan and historical Jesus (who believes _The Avengers _to be the best movie of all time [keeping in mind he's only seen that and two other movies]), and Mike, who simply can't be described, all working in a toy-store? **

**Seriously, _where?_**

**Hoples: Barry is pretty much cool with whatever happens (and doesn't want to get involved in this mess XD). And the rest of the Rogues are kind of insane, so I'm pretty sure their opinion would involve murdering poor Wally.**

_The next day, Wayne Manor, 11:06 AM..._

"This is not good..."

And indeed it wasn't. At that moment, it seemed that all of the effort, all of the planning, all of the constant attempting to resolve the crushing tension between the bird and the speedster that the Bat-Siblings and Barbara put in was going to be for naught.

And why was this so?

Batman was returning home later that day.

This was not good for two major reasons. One, if Bruce found out that they had been conspiring to set up Wally and Dick, he'd ground them until next year and tell Barbara's parents.

Two, Batman had yet to speak to their brother about his and Wally's relationship. If the kids knew their dad, and they did, he would definitely forbid the relationship, and unfortunately Batman's word was law when it came to matters concerning his children. There was no way around it, mostly because the Caped Crusader had surveillance everywhere, making sneaking out impossible. The kids literally couldn't get away with anything around Wayne Manor.

"What're we gonna do, Jason?" Tim asked, eyes wide in despair like his siblings.

Jason couldn't bring himself to look at his brothers and sister. "... I don't know, guys. The only thing that we can do is hope that Dad has mercy and lets them still see each other."

_Four hours later..._

As usually happened whenever Bruce returned home from the station, the secret entrance to the Bat-Cave opened up, allowing the eversleek (and of course, black) Bat-Mobile to roll in and park silently.

"Welcome home, Master Wayne. Shall I get you some tea?"

"Later, Alfred. Where's Di-?"

"DADDY!" Suddenly and without warning, the hero's second-youngest son and only daughter latched onto both of his legs, gripping him tightly. "We missed you! How was space? Did you beat up any evil aliens? Tell us!"

With some difficulty, the Dark Knight pryed the two young kids off of him. "Later, Tim. I need to speak with Di-"

"Dad! Glad to see you're back! I didn't get into legal trouble, just like you asked! And hey, I think Damian's going to start talking soon!" Jason quickly held the baby in the billionaire's face. Damian proceeded to gurgle and grab Batman's nose. "Damian, we rehearsed this! You're supposed to say 'Daddy'!"

Quickly, the Caped Crusader moved past the pre-teen and infant. "Look, I will deal with you guys later, but right now, I really need to speak with-"

"Dad?"

Everyone turned towards the door to the manor, where Dick was standing looking confused.

"Uh, hi. Glad to see that you're- HEY!"

The Dark Knight grabbed his eldest child, dragging him towards the door.

"We need to have a serious discussion, young man."

_A few minutes later..._

After dragging Dick into the library and locking the door behind them, the Caped Crusader turned to his son.

"You mind telling me what the hell all of _this _is about?"

"What is your relationship with Wally West?"

The Boy Wonder flushed, recoiling at the unexpecting inquisition. "I-I, uh... I don't know! I-I guess we're not friends, but we're not really dating, either-"

"Good. Keep it that way."

Dick blinked, confused by the statement. "Wait, what? What do you mean?"

"I don't want you to become any more romantic with Kid Flash than you already have. Mixing personal and professional behaviors will cause disruption in the team ethic, something we can't afford. Besides that, you're too young to be in a relationship."

"Mixing personal and profes- If that's true, then why do you let Superboy and Miss Martian go out?"

"Because they are both old enough mentally to know the difference between when it is time to be personal and when it is time to be professional."

"Superboy is technically younger than Tim! And I'm not a child anymore! I'm old enough to decide for myself what I want!"

"You are only fifteen years old, Richard! As long as you are living in my house, you will do as I say! And I forbid you to see him!"

"Y-You can't tell me what to do!"

"YES I CAN!"

"DAD I LOVE HIM!" Dick screeched, effectively stunning Batman, if only for a moment.

"Have you completely lost your senses? You're much too young to know what that is!"

"No I'm not! And as long as Wally and I are in Young Justice together, you can't stop me from telling him how I feel!"

"Fine, then! Consider yourself off the team! You are obviously too immature to separate emotion from duty!"

"WHAT? DAD, THAT'S NOT FAIR!"

"I don't have to be fair! Not when you've lost your common sense! My decision is _final, _Dick."

"But-"

"Not another word."

For a moment, the Boy Wonder was silent, glaring at his father through silent tears. "Th-Then here's three... I HATE YOU!" And with that, Dick dashed out of the library.

"RICHARD JOHN GRAYSON COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!" The Caped Crusader bellowed, his demand ignored by the sobbing bird.

"Master Grayson, is everything alright?" Alfred asked cautiously as the teen ran by. Dick didn't answer as he ran out the front door of the mansion and into the pouring rain, thunder booming as he disappeared into the night.

Batman ran into the entrance hallway, only to be greeted with an open door and an upset family.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY TO HIM!" Jason barked, so enraged that he didn't even care to choose a less crass wording when addressing his father.

"Jason Peter Todd! That is not how you address me! And I only told him that if he wasn't mature enough to keep his personal feelings separated from his duty to Young Justice, then he couldn't be a part of the team anymore. Is that so unreasonable?"

The answer was a resounding 'YES!' from all family members able to vocalize. "Are you kidding me? Are- Are you seriously fucking with me right now? WHAT THE FUCK, DAD? You just made everything ten times worse! Do you know what we've been through this past week? Do you know how hard we've worked? I haven't had a real fight with Tim in _days, _that's how dedicated we were to this!"

"Yeah, Dad, nice job breaking it!" Tim agreed. Cassie, meanwhile, had begun signing some... rather vulgar things, and Damian was giving his father a taste of his own glare, which Batman had to admit was rather creepy.

"That is it, you're all grounded! I will not tolerate being treated this way by my own children! Go to your rooms, all of you!"

"FINE! AT LEAST WE WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR STUPIDITY!" Jason yelled as he stormed up the steps. Tim, who was carrying Damian, stuck his tongue out at his father. Said infant immediately pulled out his pacifier and once again glared at his parent.

"Bad Dada! Bad!"

"You tell 'em, Batbaby!"

Cassie didn't even look at Bruce, just buried her face in her hands and sniffled as she ran upstairs, leaving the Caped Crusader alone with Alfred.

Batman sighed. "I'll take that tea now, Alfred."

"With all due respect, sir, make your own bloody tea." The butler replied sharply before briskly walking off.

_Later, Central City..._

It had taken seven hours and a hell of a lot of wrong turns, but somehow Wally had managed to make it back home, no thanks to Catwoman or Robin's insane siblings. The speedster was seconds from sleep, completely and totally relaxed, when suddenly his phone rang from his bedside table, and with his ringtone being the sound of horror movie screams, he immediately yelped and fell out of bed.

"God... dammit..." Without checking to see who it was, the redhead clicked the talk button. "Hello?"

"_Get your butt over to Gotham NOW, Kid Stupid."_

Wally blinked. "Jason? How the hell did you get this number?"

"_Not important. Robin ran out of the house an hour ago, and he hasn't come back yet."_

Upon hearing that, the speedster was fully awake. "What happened?"

"_He and Dad had a fight. Basically, Dad kicked him out of Young Justice, Robin told him hated him and left, and somehow we're all grounded. Even Damian. But that doesn't matter right now! It's raining, and my brother's out there, crying and vulnerable. Go get him before he gets killed or catches pneumonia!"_

Wally's end was silent.

"_You ran out when I was ranting, didn't you?"_

There was, of course, no reply.

**A/N: And done! I hope you guys don't hate this chapter, I think I had enough negativity from 'How did THAT Happen''s tenth chapter -_-'.**

**Remember to review~! (but please be gentle).**


	8. Mission Complete

**A/N: YAY CHAPTER WAS WELL-RECEIVED! *happy dance***

**You guys really can't imagine how relieved I am! In fact, I'll give you another chapter for it!**

**(Note: When you see this *, I recommend you put on a slow love song. Examples: **

**Collide, Howie Day**

**I Won't Give Up, Jason Mraz**

**I'm With You, Avril Lavigne**

**Kiss Me Slowly, Parachute**

**Lovesong, Adele [Cover]**

**You and Me, Lifehouse.**

**Just a suggestion)**

_Midnight, Gotham City..._

"ROOOOBIN! WHERE ARE YOU?"

As had been the case for the past two hours, there was no reply. The speedster had been tirelessly searching for the Boy Wonder, his adrenaline and anxiety the only two things keeping him going at this point. Wally was on the verge of passing out from exhaustion, but the thought of the boy he loved out in this city alone, cold, and drenched by the unforgiving rain was enough to spur him into continuous action.

"ROBIN! WHERE ARE YOU? TELL ME!"

The cold, dark alleyways gave him no answer. On the verge of frustration induced insanity, Wally punched a nearby wall as hard as he could, then pulled back with a hiss of pain a split second later. His hand still throbbing in agony, th redhead sat down on the sidewalk, cradling his head in his one good hand.

A moment later, a black Volkswagen Beetle pulled up and honked.

"Need a lift, ginger?" Asked the driver, a young woman with silky chocolate-colored hair.

"Um... do I know you?"

The woman's red lips twisted into a pout. "Oh, come now, Wally, am I really so ordinary that you'd forget me in a day?"

The speedster stared at her for a moment, confused. Then his eyes widened in shocking realization. "No way... Catwom-"

"SHH! Not in the middle of the street. Look, Jason called me-"

"He did? How did he get your number?"

"Your guess is as good as mine, kiddo. Anyway, he told me about Robin. So get in the car, loser, we're going to the graveyard."

"Wait, what?"

_A few minutes later..._

"_Hey, I just met you/ and this is crazy/ but here's my number/ so call me maybe/ it's hard to-" _

CLICK.

"_If happy ever after did exist/ I would still be holding you like this/ all those fairy tales are full of it/ one more stupid love song/ I'll be sick/ You-"_

CLICK.

"_But you didn't have to cut me off/ make out like it never-"_

The driver slapped her passenger's hand away from the dial, tired of his channel-surfing.

"OW!"

"Okay, enough of that. No more radio."

Wally slumped back in his seat. "Fiiiine."

With that, the redhead resigned himself to staring out the window, though he wasn't able to see much with the curtain provided by the torrential downpour , in a few minutes the car stopped, causing Wally to turn to the thief in confusion.

"Why'd you stop driving?"

"Because we're here, dumbass. Get out of the car."

Wally quickly obliged her, and she followed him out seconds later, carrying a raincoat with her. "Come on, if I know Robin he's this way."

Though he did have a few questions, Wally decided to shut up and follow her. The graveyard was eerily quiet, with the exception of the pair's footsteps and the sound of the rain hitting the ground. In a few minutes, however, the sound of quiet sobbing joined the other two, the crying coming from a huddled figure sitting in between two headstones, the names on which Wally couldn't make out in the rain.

Wordlessly, the thief walked over to the sobbing figure, taking the coat out and draping it on top of them.

"S... Selina?" A familiar voice asked, making Wally jump.

"Hey, sweetie. Jason called me. Everyone's worried about you."

Robin sniffled underneath the coat. "D-Didn't mean to trouble anyone... I just... it's not fair!" At the end there, the Boy Wonder burst back into tears. Selina immediately took the boy into her arms.

"Shh... It's okay... I know that Batty is a huge jerk sometimes... Hey, I brought someone who might make you feel better." The thief turned to Wally. "Oi. Ginger. Get your speedy little butt over here."

When he did so, Selina moved out of the way, revealing the speedster to Dick.

"... Hey."

"... Hi."

For a second, there was tense silence. Then Selina stood up.

"I'll just leave you to it."

The silence did not go away right after that; it continued until Wally decided to break it*.

"Look, dude, we need to talk. In fact, we've needed to talk ever since the... incident. I haven't been honest with you, and for that I'm sorry."

"Wally," Dick began, "You don't have to-"

"J... Just hear me out, okay? Don't tell me what you're feeling right now, uh, poker-face, okay?"

Dick hesitated, but then he nodded warily.

"Great. So... ugh, I'm really bad at this. I-I know that we've kind of always been best friends, yeah? A-And I'd never want to do anything to upset that, I love being your friend, dude, but... I guess that for at least a few months now, 'just friends' doesn't seem like enough for me. It's like... It's not that your friendship isn't great, but... I have stronger feelings for you than just that." The speedster rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "I think what I'm trying to say is... I think that I'm in love with you." Wally took a deep breath. "Okay, go ahead. J-Just... don't be too harsh, okay? I mean, I understand if you don't feel the-"

"Wally?"

In his flustered state, the redhead had failed to see Robin move to where he was standing right in front of him. "Y-Yeah?"

"Shut the everloving fuck up." And with that romantic line, the shorter boy leaned in, firmly claiming the elder's lips with his own. Wally's eyes widened in surprise for a second, then slowly closed as he kissed Robin back and the latter wrapped his arms around the taller's neck, bringing them even closer together.

After a few more seconds of passionate lip-locking, the pair decided that it was a good idea to come up for air and broke the kiss. "... Wow. Does... D-Does this mean that..."

"Yes, you idiot. I... I-I love you too. That's kind of what I fought with Dad about, why he kicked me off the team. He thought that us having a relationship would mess up the team dynamic or some bullshit like that. Personally, I think he just isn't comfortable with the idea of me being with anyone, especially a guy."

"Wha- Oh, geez, Rob, I didn't mean to-"

"Dick."

Wally blinked. "Hey, now, there's no need to call me names-"

"No, you idiot. My _name _is Dick. Richard John Grayson, to be specific."

"...Oh. Dude, your name is hilarious."

Dick rolled his eyes. "How mature of you. What are you, nin- H-HEY! PUT ME DOWN, IDIOT!"

"NEVER!" The redhead shouted gleefully as he spun the Boy Wonder around. "You love me, you love me~!"

"W-WE'VE ALREADY ESTABLISHED THAT! NOW PUT ME DOWN OR I'LL- I'LL THROW UP ON YOU!"

The speedster obliged him, but the second that Dick was on the ground Wally pulled him back in for another kiss, startling but delighting the dark-haired boy at the same time.

This went on for another minute before Selina, though she found it to be absolutely the most adorable thing in the entire world (save nine-year-old Dick and his stubborn crime-fighting attempts, but really, what could top that), decided that it would make sense to get out of the rain before they all froze.

"Hey love birds! This is super-duper cute and all, really, but I'd prefer it if we didn't catch pneumonia out here!"

Reluctantly, the couple broke the kiss. "Okaaay... Oh! Wait just a second, Selina!"

The thief rolled her eyes. "Fine, but be quick!"

The ex-acrobat grinned, grabbing his new boyfriend's (!) hand. "C'mon. I want you to meet my parents."

Wally recoiled a bit. "Wait, _now_? Isn't it kind of late to-"

"Just c'mere." The Boy Wonder turned to the stones behind them, and for the first time Wally could read the names on the headstones.

On the left: JOHN GRAYSON.

On the right: MARY GRAYSON.

"Hey, Dad. Hey, Mom." Dick's grip on Wally's hand tightened. "There's someone I want you to meet. This is Wally West, my boyfriend."

Wally raised his hand awkwardly and waved. "Uh... hey. How's it going?"

Dick laughed softly and continued talking, never once letting go of the redhead's hand.

And for the first time in a while, everything seemed perfect.

**A/N: YAY THEY FINALLY GOT TOGETHER! But this isn't the end yet, we still have a little longer to go!**


	9. Results

**A/N: Okay, before I begin, do you guys, like, forget to review when I don't tell you to remember? **

**Because while I'm writing this, there are eleven reviews on Chapter 7, and only four on Chapter 8, the difference being that on 7 I wrote "Remember to Review~!" and thought that 8 would simply generate a lot of reviews.**

**I'm not trying to sound like a brat or anything, I'm just curious. **

**But anyway, enjoy the adorkable nerd cuddles that you came here for!**

**And also, Christian Bale is awesome. He didn't have to visit the memorial, didn't have to visit the survivors in the hospital...**

**BUT HE DID ANYWAY.**

Even before they had become a couple, before he'd realized he had feelings for Rob- Dick, he corrected himself mentally, Wally had always been well aware of a single fact:

His now-boyfriend was, is, and will always be fucking adorable. Seriously, it should have been illegal for someone to be so damn cute. With those big blue eyes and that sweet face, Wally wondered how anyone could stand to fight the Boy Wonder.

This undeniable cuteness was exponentially greater when Dick was sleeping. He just looked so at peace with the world, like nothing could ever go wrong.

Yes, Wally had the cutest boyfriend in the entire planet, and there was nothing anyone could ever do or say to change his mind.

Of course, if it wasn't for Selina's generosity and letting them stay in her spare bedroom, he'd never have known that. Since it had been the middle of the night (and they were soaking wet), she'd told them they could stay at her place, under the condition that no "pre-marital hanky-panky" was to occur at anytime during the night, something Dick had flushed darker than a strawberry and yelled at her for.

Speaking of Dick, the aforementioned Boy Wonder sighed softly, slowly letting his eyes flutter open.

"Ah… good morning, babe." Wally said, trying to sound seductive.

Though he was still half-asleep, the dark-haired boy raised an eyebrow. "'Babe'? Seriously?"

Wally flushed, the pink slightly over-taking his freckles. "H-Hey, I tried!"

Tiredly, Dick giggled a bit. "You're such a dork."

Wally couldn't help but laugh and snuggle closer to his boyfriend. "I love you."

"Mmph… say it again."

Wally blinked, but obliged him. "I love you."

Dick paused for a minute, and then decided to go for it. "Now… say it like Scooby Doo."

Surprisingly, the red-head complied immediately. "I ruv you!" He yelled, holding the younger closer to him.

Dick began to chuckle loudly, overcome with just how goofy the boy he loved was. This immediately turned to involuntary laughter, as the elder had started to tickle the other. "G-Gah! W-Wally, you dumbass, s-stop iiiit~!"

"Nooo~!"

"W-Wally, seriously! Haha, stooop~!"

"Never! You're too cute when you're laughing!"

"I-I'll kick you! Seriously, I'll do it!"

Wally did cease the tickling, but not due to his boyfriend's threat. No, because he heard something outside the bedroom.

"Oh, dude, shush for a sec."

After a moment, the other calmed down. "What is it-?"

"Shh!"

Meanwhile, in the main area of her apartment, Selina was having a bit of a problem.

Specifically, a Dark Knight Sized problem.

"Care to explain why you're in my home, Bats? I mean, it's not that I don't enjoy seeing you outside of our little spats in spandex, but it's a bit early for this, and in any case I've been taking a vacation from perusing valuables."

Even without his trademark cowl, Bruce's glare was fierce as ever. "Where. Is. My. Son?"

The thief blinked. "How on earth should I know? I'm not his mommy; I don't know where he is at all hours of the day."

"Cut the crap, Selina, I know for a fact that you basically play mother to my kids."

For a second, there was silence. "Well, you've got me there. Still, I don't know where dear little Robin is. He's a big boy, Bruce; he can take care of himself."

"HE'S FIFTEEN!"

"And in some countries he can own property. Why don't you trust him, anyway? Dick is a good kid, darling. He wouldn't do something rash without thinking it through, and-"

"Running away from home is something rash that he didn't think through. Now tell me where he is, you crazy cat lady."

Selina glared at him. "That was uncalled for! And I only have one cat, thank you very much. I don't think I'll be telling _you _anything, Mr. Rude Hero!"

Meanwhile, the two younger heroes were freaking out slightly.

"Shit! What are we gonna do? If he finds us-"

"Okay, let's not think about that. No panicking! We need a plan." Dick paused. "Crap, I have no idea what I'm doing!"

After a few more seconds of discussion, the pair poked their heads outside the door.

"If you're so innocent, then I'll check the rooms."

"Hey, you can't do that! I have rights!" The thief grabbed his arm, and then noticed the couple staring at them.

The message in Dick's eyes was crystal clear: _Distract him. I don't care how you do it, just buy us some time._

Without a moment's hesitation, the brunette had grabbed the tall man's face and pulled it to her own, claiming the billionaire's lips with hers. Though he struggled for a moment, Bruce eventually gave in, lost in a world with Selina and only Selina.

Though both Wally and Dick wanted to puke, they realized this was the perfect opportunity to escape, making it to the door as the Dark Knight had shoved the thief up against the wall.

_Thanks… Mom, _the Boy Wonder mouthed, adding the last part before he could change his mind.

The thief simply gave them a 'thumbs up' and went back to seducing the Caped Crusader enthusiastically as the pair slipped out the door, unnoticed by the occupied man.

_Later, Mount Justice…_

_Recognized: 04, Kid Flash_

_Recognized: Guest_

"Uh, Robin? Why did it recognize KF and not you?"

"Because thanks to Dad's idiocy, I'm no longer a member of Young Justice. And I'm probably not Robin, either."

The rest of the team stared in shock. "WHAT?! WHY NOT?!"

"Let's just say…" Here, the speedster and the bird grinned goofily at each other, the former taking the latter's hand in his own, "Dad and I had a… disagreement over who gets to make my decisions."

For a moment, the others simply stared in shocked silence.

"… Finally." Aqualad muttered eventually.

M'gann squealed and flew over to the pair, wrapping her arms around them. "EEEEE! Congratulations, you guys!"

Artemis simply clocked the speedster in the shoulder. "Took you long enough, dork."

"OW!"

"Uh… good job?" Conner offered, not exactly sure what to do in this situation.

After a few minutes, M'gann released the pair, still giddy from the announcement.

"So, what are you going to do now? I mean, if Batman shows up-"

"Oh, he's gonna be busy for a while, trust me."

"How do you know that?"

Dick gave the group a half-lidded stare. "Do you REALLY want to know?"

"When you put it like that... probably not, no."

"Good. C'mon, Wally, let's go."

"Wait, where are you going?"

"Home."

_Later, Wayne Manor…_

Though the events of the previous night still weighed heavily on the Bat-Siblings' minds, the young children couldn't help but be happy on this warm spring day in the garden. Alfred had lifted their punishment the previous night, saying that 'If Master Wayne has a problem with it, he may speak to me'. Thus, all the kids (with the exception of Damian, who was taking a nap) were out, enjoying the sunlight and flowers.

Tim was especially enjoying the day, mostly because Stephanie Brown had come over to play with Cassie. He thought that Stephanie was the best girl in the world (excluding Cassie, Cassie was also pretty awesome), and she was probably the only girl in the second grade who was free of cooties.

Stephanie also had pretty blonde hair that shone in the sun and eyes that were blue like the sky, but that was irrelevant.

"U-Um… Hi, Stephanie!"

The blonde girl looked over at him, making Tim's heart-beat quicken for some inexplicable reason. "Oh, hi Tim! What's up?"

"Er… um… Here!" Without warning, Tim shoved the slimy beast into Stephanie's hands, which caused her to immediately scream and drop it onto the ground.

"EW! TIM THAT'S GROOOOSS!"

"H-Huh?! But I thought girls liked frogs!"

"No we don't! You're a weirdo!" Stephanie yelled as she stormed off to go wash off the mucus from the amphibian.

Furious and humiliated, Tim turned towards his brother, who was sitting under an umbrella-shaded table in the garden's center. "JASON, YOU WIENER!"

From his seat, the elder boy chuckled. "Heh, complete succ- OW! CASSIE!"

His sister glared at him, appalled at his behavior.

"Oh, c'mon, Cassie, you gotta admit that it was pretty funny."

The glare did not falter. In fact it became even more disapproving.

"Um… I'm sorry?"

The glare intensified.

"Oh, all right. SORRY TIM! THAT WASN'T FUNNY!"

"YOU BET IT WASN'T, BUTTHEAD!"

"Who's the butthead this time?"

All of the kids turned toward the door in shock, their eldest brother looking back at them with a tired and expectant grin on his face.

"DICK!" Tim yelled, instantly forgetting his anger at Jason as he ran towards the former Boy Wonder. "YOU'RE ALIVE!"

"… You know what, Tim? I give up on trying to figure out how your brain works." Jason muttered, walking over to the couple, Cassie following closely behind. "Hey, Kid Stupid, why are you here?"

Wally's answer consisted of a wide, silly grin and him putting his arm around Dick's shoulder.

Immediately, Tim started cheering and Cassie started bouncing up and down rapidly in unadulterated glee.  
"It's about motherfucking time, you ding-dong." Jason said, punching the speedster's arm in exactly the spot that Artemis had earlier, which caused more pain than it would have had it been in a different spot.

"What's going on?" An outside voice inquired. Tim reddened to the color of Alfred's prized roses as he lowered his head in embarrassment, trying his best not to look at Stephanie.

Dick, being the ever-aware little ex-acrobat that he was, noticed this sudden change in Tim's expression and demeanor, grinning as a plan formulated in his mind. Removing his boyfriend's arm from his shoulder, Dick walked over to the girl and took a knee in order to make eye contact with her.

"Hi, you're Stephanie Brown, right?"

"Uh, yeah. Who are you?" The blonde asked, wary of this strange boy.

"I'm Dick, Tim's brother. You know, he talks about you all the time."  
Stephanie's eyes widened in surprise at this, Tim's also widening as his head snapped up, face redder than ever. "R-Really?"

"Oh, definitely. 'Stephanie is so smart'. 'Stephanie is so cool.' 'Stephanie is so pre-!'"

"DICK STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" Tim screamed, covering his eldest's brother's mouth with his hand. He had never been more furious at his brother, let alone so humiliated in his life.

Stephanie shifted her weight, pulling a strand of hair out and twirling it around her finger. "Y-You really think that I'm… c-cool, Timmy?"

Tim's head snapped up, eyes wider than ever. "U-Uh…"

The blonde looked away, holding out her hand a bit. "D-Do you wanna… walk around the garden, or something?"

For a second, the second-youngest bat was frozen in shock, but then took the offered hand and started to walk down the cobblestone path with his crush, looking back for a brief second in which Dick, Wally, and Cassie all offered thumbs up while Jason only offered a shocked stare. Once the young couple was out of sight, Cassie grabbed Wally's hand, dragging him away.

"Uh, apparently she wants to show me something…?"

Dick waved them off. "Go ahead. I wanted to talk to Jason, anyway."

Once they were gone, the brothers were left in silence.

"Thanks."

Jason turned to his brother in shock. "For what?"

Dick snorted. "Oh, please, you really thought I wouldn't figure out that you guys were trying to set me and Wally up?"

The younger's jaw dropped open in shock. "Wha- HOW?!"

"Well, the Batman Doll was a big clue, but mostly it's because I know you guys."

Jason stared for a second, and then sighed ruefully. "When did you figure me out?"

"I believe it was, 'What're you staring at, fuckass?'"

"… Wasn't that the first thing I ever said to you?"

"Hey, being a protégé of the Dark Knight comes with awesome skills."

"Huh." For a second, the pair was once again silent. "Soo… how long 'til you think Dad gets home?"

"Oh, I'd say …tomorrow, at the absolute earliest. Even that's pushing it, though. We might not have to deal with him for a while."

**A/N: Woo! Done! Yeah!**

**Now, to the epilogue!**

**(Do not be alarmed, this is not the last you'll see of the Bat-Family antics. I'll explain later).**

**Remember to review! (see, I remembered this time!)**


	10. Epilouge

**A/N: Oh, for the love of cripes… GUYS I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE! True, **_**this**_** fic is ending, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop writing Bat! Family stories with Birdflash! In fact, you're going to get a lot of stories out of me! I'll explain at the end, now just read the epilogue! **

_**5:00 A.M, December 25, thirteen or so years later…**_

"PAPA! DADDY! WAKE UP, WAKE UP, IT'S CHRISTMAS!"

Wally moaned, turning over in bed to face his son, who was bouncing up and down excitedly. "Jai," he started, still half asleep, "Christmas doesn't start until the sun comes up. Go back to bed."

The five-year-old's face contorted into a pout, disappointed in his father's answer. "Aww, but Daddy-!"

"No buts. Now go back to bed before your Papa wakes up and things really get bad."

Defeated, the dark-haired boy started towards the door. "Hmph. When did you get so _old?_"

At the mention of the word _old_, Wally sat up in bed, wide awake and shocked. "_Old?! _I am _not_ old!"The speedster grabbed his husband's shoulder, shaking him awake. "DICK WAKE UP!"

The ex-acrobat woke with a start. "GAH! WHAT'S ON FIRE?!"

"NOTHING BUT IT IS CHRISTMAS AND WE AIN'T OLD YET!"

Dick blinked, staring at his husband. "The hell are you…? Wally, go back to bed."

"NO." Wally swung his head around to look at his son. "Jai, go wake up Iris!"

"She's already up!" The boy replied, having started to bounce up and down again.

"Great, I'll go get Rose!" Before getting out of the queen-sized bed, the speedster yanked away the comforter, leaving Dick, who had laid back down to return to unconsciousness, out in the cold. "Up, you."

Once his husband had left to go to the nursery, Dick released a defeated and tired sigh.

"Sometimes I think that I have four kids instead of three…"

_**Later, at Wayne Manor…**_

"DAMIAN YOU TURD!"

The newest Boy Wonder chuckled from his hiding place in the cupboard, safe from the wrath of his little brother. Terry was just too easy a target to leave un-pranked, even if it _was _Christmas. As he watched the egg-caked seven-year-old storm by, a satisfied smirk formed on his face.

"Complete success," He whispered when he was sure Terry was out of earshot. He didn't get to revel in his victory for long, though, as soon the wooden door of the storage cabinet swung open, his second eldest brother staring back at him.

"Hey, kid." Jason said, surprised to have gone for some marshmallows to add to the sweet potatoes and instead have found a thirteen-year-old bird.

"… Hi," Damian replied, the grin having dropped off his face and fled in terror to Timbuktu. "You're not gonna tell Terry where I am, right?"

"Wait, so you rigged the eggs?" Jason asked, blinking in shock. Then he grinned, impressed at his ingenuity. "Mum's the word, little brother. Hand me the marshmallows, will ya?"

Damian let out a sigh of relief, grabbing the bag of white puffy candy and handing it to his brother.

"Thanks, kiddo." Then, spotting his littlest sibling out of the corner of his eye, Jason quickly closed the cupboard and turned back to the yams.

"Hey, Ter- What the hell happened to your hair?"

Terry glared furiously at him, the goop from the egg whites slithering slowly down his nose. "Who do you think?! Why does he hate me so much?!"

The former Robin chuckled. "Damian doesn't hate anybody, kiddo. He just likes pushing your buttons."

At that moment, Selina entered the kitchen, the unexpected scent of eggs assaulting her nose. "I thought we decided not to use eggs this- OH MY GOODNESS TERRY!"

"Hi, Mom," the youngest Bat greeted her weakly. The former thief rushed over to him, kneeling to look him in the eye.

"Oh, baby, what happened to you?"

"Damian."

"… Probably should've guessed." Standing up, Selina turned to Jason, an annoyed look on her face. "Jason, if you see Damian, tell him he's grounded for the rest of the week."

"WHAT? BUT MOM!" The aforementioned Boy Wonder burst out of the cupboard, realizing his mistake too late. "… Crap."

"YOU BUTT!" Terry screamed, rushing towards his brother. Damian, however, had already begun to flee, running straight out the door.

"Hey! No fighting, you two! A-And put some coats on if you're going outside!" Selina hollered, chasing after her children.

Jason stared after them for a moment, then sighed and shook his head as he finally got started on the yams. At that moment, however, Cassie walked in, confused as to what had just happened.

"Um… Why is Mom chasing after Terry and Damian? And why does Terry have… is that _egg _on his head? I thought we weren't using eggs this year."

"Trust me, Sis, you don't wanna know."

Meanwhile, Tim was pacing back and forth in the living room, sweating like a sinner in church as he alternated glancing at his watch and glancing at the tiny faux-leather box in his hand.

"Okay, Drake, you can do this. You've faced the Joker, after all; how hard can it be to say 'Stephanie Brown, will you ma- ma-?' … Fuck!"

From behind him, a deep voice chuckled. "So, planning on popping the question, huh?"

"GAH!" Tim nearly dropped the precious container holding the key to his happiness as he turned to face the aging former Caped Crusader. "Christ, Dad, you scared me shitless! How the hell are you so fast when you're so old?!"

Bruce's expression turned from amused to irritated in record time. "Watch who you're calling old, Tim. I won't give you crap for it, but Selina is another story."

The former Robin rubbed his head sheepishly. "S-Sorry. I'm just…"

"Nervous?" Bruce suggested.

"More like 'completely and utterly terrified'! I can't stop thinking about all the ways that this could go wrong! What if I drop the ring?! What if I get so nervous that I pass out or, worse, puke on her shoes?! What if…" Here, Tim's face dropped. "What if she says no?"

Bruce sighed, patting his son's shoulder in a rare comforting gesture. "Tim. You and Stephanie have been going out since you were eight years old. There's no way she'd say no."

"But what about when we were fifteen? We broke up! Then Stephanie got pregnant by that other guy, and I had to go to boarding school, and-"

"And in the end you still got back together." Bruce interrupted before the former Boy Wonder could begin ranting. "Tim, believe me when I say that, for better or for worse, you and Stephanie are made for each other. Just keep thinking that, and it'll all turn out right."

"What's going to turn out right?" Stephanie asked, closing the door and hanging her scarf and coat up.

"U-Uh, Steph! Hi, merry Christmas, let me get that for you!" Tim stuttered, slipping the box onto the nearby mantle and dashing over to his girlfriend.

"Tim," the blonde began, growing concerned, "are you feeling alright? You seem nervous. I mean, really nervous, like when Bruce found out that Selina was going to have Terry."

"Excuse me?" the aforementioned billionaire asked, graying eyebrow rising.

"Oh, hello, Bruce! Merry Christmas!"

Though still put off by her previous comment, Bruce smiled, replying, "Merry Christmas to you too," as well.

"I-I'm fine, Stephanie! So, um, how was the trip over?"

Stephanie raised an eyebrow. "Honey, I live fifteen minutes from here. You sure you're okay?"

"J-Just dandy thanks!"

Once again, the graying ex-superhero chuckled. "I think I'll leave you two alone."

The moment he was gone, however, the door opened once again, a fuming Selina dragging a protesting Damian by the ear through it as the still egg-covered Terry followed them inside with an evil smirk, the trio's cheeks and noses all red from the cold.

"… We're just gonna ignore that, right?"

"Yep. Wanna go watch whatever cheesy Christmas special that's on ABC?"

"You read my mind."

_**Meanwhile, outside the manor…**_

"Papa, he's touching me again!" Iris whined, leaning as far away from her twin as she could.

"I'm not touching you!" Jai replied indignantly.

"ARE TOO!"

"AM NOT!"

"ARE TOO!"

"AM NOT!"

"ARE-"

"THAT'S ENOUGH, BOTH OF YOU!" Dick exploded, turning in his seat to glare at them. "We're almost there, so _please _try and be quiet for the next five minutes!"

"Yes, Papa," The twins answered simultaneously in small voices, shrinking back in their seats.

From the driver's seat, Wally chuckled. "Nice."

"Shut up."

And so, for the remainder of the drive, the car was silent, save the occasional gurgling and/or giggling of Rose in her car seat. The moment that the car pulled into the driveway, though, the silence ceased to exist. As soon as the door was unlocked, Iris speed to the front door and began to repeatedly ring the doorbell, not ceasing until a very grumpy Bruce had answered the door and the aging Bat-Hound had begun licking her face.

"Ah! Stop it, Ace! Hi, Grandpa!"

Upon seeing his red-haired granddaughter, the former Caped Crusader smiled. "Hello, Iris. My, you've grown since the last time I saw you."

Over at the car, Dick sighed. "So impatient, that one. She gets that from you, you know."

Wally, who had just finished getting Rose out from her car-seat, feigned shock. "Wha- Me, impatient?! Why, I never- Okay, yeah, that's all me."

Dick rolled his eyes as hit the lock button on the keys and began walking towards his childhood home.

"… and then Jai told her to- Oh, hi, Daddy, Papa! I was just telling Grandpa about the trip to the zoo our class went on last month! You know, the one where our teacher almost got her arm bit off by a lion?"

"And I'm sure you can continue just fine inside the house, where we don't risk hypothermia. Let's go, Iris."

"Kay!" With that, the mini-speedster ran into the house… where she immediately forgot about her conversation with her grandfather the second she saw her youngest uncle.

"Hi, Uncle Terry! Hey, why is your hair all wet?" Iris sniffed the air warily. "And what smells like eggs?"

The seven-year-old groaned. "Oh, come on, I just took a bath!"

"Really? Why did you take a bath, Uncle Terry? Oh, and isn't it weird that me and Jai have to call you uncle even though you're only a couple years older than us? My friend Kallie says that uncles are supposed to be a lot older than you, but you go to the same school that we do and…"

Bruce let out a sigh of relief once he was certain that his granddaughter wasn't going to return to continue the conversation. "Remind me never to ask her questions again. She was such a quiet baby, too."

"You think that's hard, try being her twin. I have to share a room with her." Jai muttered, walking through the door and heading straight into the kitchen.

"What's with Mr. Sunshine over there?"

Both Dick and Wally shrugged, the latter shifting the couple's youngest child in his arms. "He's always like that. He's kinda like Damian in that he's strangely moody for a five year old."

"Let's hope that he doesn't become as much of a troublemaker as Damian."

_**Later…**_

"Dude, you don't need to help out with the dishes." Jason stated, attempting to take the plates from his older brother.

"Hey, may as well help out, right? Besides, it's not like we have Alfred to do them for us anymore." Dick replied as he swiped the dishes away.

"Yeah…" Both men looked a bit melancholy for a moment before Jason's head sprang up. "Oh, speaking of Pennyworth, he says that he loves the Chateau in Florence!"

"Well, that's great. He deserves it after all he's done for… What's going on out there?"

The 'out there' was the kitchen patio, where Tim and Stephanie were chatting quietly. The former was pulling at his collar and not making eye contact with the latter, and he seemed to be on the verge of either going unconscious or having his dinner come back out the way it went in.

"What the hell… Don't they realize that it's freezing outside? Hey, you two crazy kids! Get back in here before you- mmph!" The younger Bat was cut off by his brother's hand.

"Shut up, I think that something's about to happen."

Right at that moment, their brother took an extremely deep breath, and then got down on bent knee as he pulled something out of his pocket. Stephanie's hands immediately flew up to her mouth in shock.

Tim didn't even have time to ask her before Stephanie's shrill cry of "YES YOU MORON!" rang through the house (and probably was heard over in Gotham) and she tackled him to the ground.

For a moment, Dick and Jason were too stunned to even say anything.

"D… Did our little brother just propose to his childhood sweetheart?"

"… Did she just say yes loudly enough to wake the dead?"

After another short silence, the pair pounded their fists together lightly.

"… We should probably tell them to come inside now."

As Jason walked outside to yell at his newly engaged brother and his fiancée, Iris dashed into the room, looking stressed.

"Papa," she began, worry evident in her voice, "the Bat-thingy's up in the sky again."

Dick groaned, slapping a hand to his face. "Seriously? It's Christmas, for the love of God!"

"Well, apparently the scum of Gotham don't have holidays off." Wally deadpanned as he walked into the kitchen. "Want me to take this one?"

The former Boy Wonder sighed, hand moving to pinch the bridge of his nose. "No, it's fine. They want Batman, after all. Where's Damian?"

"I'm afraid that this is going to be a solo mission, sweetie," Selina said, arms crossed as she joined the little party in the room. "Damian is being punished for putting dropping half a dozen eggs on Terry."

"Aw, but Mom! It's not the same if Batman doesn't have a Robin with him!"

"Well then Batman should get a Robin who doesn't torment his little brother."

Exasperated, Dick turned to his last resort: Big, pleading eyes accompanied by a quivering lip.

The former thief remained unfazed. "Richard John Grayson, you are twenty-eight years old. Stop pouting like a child."

Seeing that he couldn't convince her on his own, the ex-acrobat motioned for his husband and daughters to assist him, which they did immediately, and the begging faces became too much even for the hardened ex-criminal.

"Fine, he can go." Selina muttered tiredly, thinking that she was getting too old for this.

"YES! Thanks, Mom!" With that, Dick gave his husband, his daughters, and his step-mother quick pecks on their respective cheeks, dashing out of the kitchen and up the stairs into Damian's room.

"C'mon, kid, we've got a city to save!"

"But I'm grounded." Damian stated, confused.

"You're being let out temporarily on the grounds of Batman needs Robin! Now move it!"

The young teen grinned, following his brother down the stairs and into their lair.

"Um, dude, the mask?" Damian said upon getting into the car and seeing his eldest brother.

"What? Oh, right." Dick said sheepishly as he pulled down the cowl. "Shall we go be the hero that Gotham deserves and his badass young associate?"

Robin grinned back at his mentor. "Hey, you're the goddamn Batman here!"

**A/N: And with that, we close this story out, and I begin explanations.**

**Ahem. When Bruce came home after his little… 'ventures' with Selina and discovered that Dick and Wally were in a relationship, he finally just said, "Fuck it, you win" and allowed them to date, as well as reinstating Dick as Robin and putting him back on Young Justice. Bruce later commented that he was getting too old for this. A few years later, after Dick had become Nightwing and Wally had replaced Barry as the Flash, Bruce and Selina were married in a church ceremony in Florence (and Selina legally changed her name to 'Mary McGinnis'). A few years later, Wally and Dick were wed in a simple ceremony in Cape Cod. Around this time, Terrence Wayne-McGinnis was born and Bruce retired as both CEO of Wayne Enterprises and as Batman. And yes, there was a 'Battle for the Cowl' between Dick, Jason, and Tim. However, this war was not so much a 'battle' as it was a large scale pillow fight, with the entirety of Wayne Manor serving as their battle field. Pillow forts were built, plans were made, a layer of feathers settled on the bottom floor of the mansion. In the end, Dick, with the help of his speedy husband Wally West-Grayson and best friend Barbara Gordon, was victorious, claiming the cowl as his own. **

**Bruce was not amused, and made them clean up the manor. To this day, all three men believe that it was 'completely and totally worth it.'**

**Linda Park is the mother of Iris and Jai West-Grayson. She was their surrogate. Iris has come into her powers but will not take the name 'Impulse' for at least another few years. Jai shows no meta-human tendencies yet.**

**Barbara Gordon is the mother of Rose West-Grayson. In the future, Rose will be rescued from a bunch of living mannequins by a strange man with a blue police box and a screw-driver, and will proceed to travel through time and space with- Oh, wait, that's not Rose **_**West-Grayson, **_**that's Rose **_**Tyler**_**. **

**Okay, so that's done! Also, the idea of Selina being Terry's mom comes from TheBlackCat on dA's Batman and Sons comics. Check them out, they are hilarious.**

**Now then, I promised that I had a plan, didn't I? **

**Ladies and Gentlemen, I am proud to announce **_**Bat Family Values, **_**a series of one-shots starring the Bats themselves! And you all are gonna help me! I will be taking suggestions via my tumblr submission box. Just go to schmatey at tumblr and drop off an idea!**

**See you guys soon!**


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